Recently Katelyn turned 13. This means we now have three teenagers in the house. Parenting teenagers is an entirely different endeavor than parenting our little kids. We are not far into our teenage parenting, but I have learned some very helpful lessons. 1. Our kids are not 5 anymore. We can no longer treat them that way or talk to them how we used to. It is tempting to revert to the old ways of parenting little kids. This is extremely frustrating to your teen and will break down your relationship. Give them more freedom, more choices, and talk to them more like a friend and a peer than a child. 2. Keep talking. It is hard to find time to spend with your teenager since they may be busy with so much. Make time to be alone, make time to sit and chat. Don't be too busy and let days and weeks slip by doing great things but not having quality time with your teens. 3. Study your teen. Find out what interests them and spend time doing those things. Find the people they love and spend time with those people. Invest in relationships that you can share with your teen. 4. Encouragement. We can spend so much thought and effort trying to change things about our kids, trying to teach them everything we can.... and sometimes we forget to encourage. We forget to stop and notice what they have achieved and talk about it. Talk about their successes in-front of the family, and to them privately. Never critique a performance or a sporting game. Always tell them how much you enjoy watching them. Sometimes we forget to say these important things and just assume our teenagers know. They need to hear it often! 5. Allow for failure. This is a time in life for exploring, experimenting and just figuring out themselves and life. They will be selfish, they will make wrong choices. Be there for them. Don't ever yell. Don't ever shame or condemn them. Privately talk about what went wrong and forgive quickly and freely. Don't ever say you embarrass them. Show unconditional love. 6. Apologize quickly and often. When you find yourself not doing everything above, apologize. It's hard, it's uncomfortable, it's embarrassing, it's depressing, but when you know you messed up, make sure it doesn't go unexcused. Make sure everyone is apologized to. Make sure you do this publicly to the family if everyone knows you messed up, and privately also to the child. Don't let your sin sit without resolution. Show them how to mess up but then also how to make it right. 7. Pray and fast. Your kids are your first and most important ministry of your life. Your prayer life should reflect it! When we were dedicated as parents at our church in LA, the pastor made us commit to praying regularly for our children's salvation. We need to pray they would be saved regularly, often and with passion and self sacrifice. For me personally, fasting is a way I can tell the Lord that this request I have for my children is more important than anything on earth. I am willing to put aside my comfort of food to ask... beg... for the Lords mercy on my children all day long. My most fervent prayer would be for them to seek out and know God's truth, and also His amazing love.
